"Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habit." - Lao Tzu

What is self-control?

Self-control – a skill that allows us to control our impulses, emotions, and behaviours. Although it may seem difficult to achieve, developing it is one of the most important steps on the path to personal growth and success.

It helps us make decisions that align with our long-term goals, even when immediate rewards are within reach. It’s the kind of inner strength that allows us to resist unhealthy habits, postpone immediate pleasure in favor of greater rewards in the future, and stay focused on our priorities.

Why is self-control important in our daily life?

Without self-control, it’s easy to give in to impulses that can take us away from our goals. Examples of such behaviours include excessive social media use, unhealthy eating, and procrastination. A lack of self-control can affect every aspect of our lives—from our physical and mental health to our relationships and careers.

Here are some key reasons to develop this skill:

• Better physical health: Self-control helps us make healthier choices, such as regular exercise and a healthy diet.

• Better relationships: Keeping emotions under control helps us build more harmonious relationships with those close to us.

• More productive: Delaying immediate gratification and focusing on long-term goals allows us to achieve more in both our work and personal lives.

• A sense of fulfilment: When we learn to control our impulses and consistently pursue our plans, we feel more fulfilled.

Delayed Gratification: The Key to Long-Term Success

One of the most important aspects of self-control is the ability to delay gratification. Often, to achieve something truly worthwhile, we must give up immediate pleasures. Instead of reaching for sweets, we choose a healthier meal. Instead of watching a series, we learn a new skill. These small decisions add up to big results over time.

In psychology, there is a famous study called the "marshmallow test," in which children were offered one marshmallow immediately or two if they could go without eating for a dozen or so minutes. Children who were able to wait later had better results at school and greater success in adulthood. This shows how powerful a tool delayed gratification can be.

How to develop self-control?

Developing self-control is a process that requires patience and practice. Here are some proven ways to help you build this skill:

Be aware of your habits

• The first step is to understand when and why you lose control. For example, do you eat unhealthy foods when you’re stressed? Or do you procrastinate on important tasks because you feel overwhelmed? Being aware of your behavioural patterns is key to changing.

Setting goals and planning

• Setting specific, measurable goals helps us focus better and avoid distractions. Whether you want to start exercising regularly or spend more time studying, having a clearly defined plan is key.

Small steps

• Rather than trying to change your entire life immediately, start small. For example, if you want to cut back on your phone use, start by cutting back on social media by 10 minutes a day. Over time, these small changes will start to add up.

The “postponement” technique

• When you feel the urge to do something that could harm your goals (e.g. reach for an unhealthy snack), try the postponement technique. Put off the decision for 5-10 minutes. Often, after this time, the temptation decreases and you have more control over the situation.

Mindfulness practice

• Mindfulness is the ability to be aware of the present moment without judgment. This helps reduce stress and better manage emotions, which has a direct impact on our self-control. Regular meditation can bring great results in this area.

Don’t be too hard on yourself

• Remember that no one is perfect, and small failures are a natural part of the process. Instead of criticizing yourself, treat your mistakes as an opportunity to learn. It is important to get back up quickly after a fall and continue working on yourself.

How to Deal with Failures?

No one is always in complete self-control. It is important not to give up after minor setbacks and not to be too hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, but the most important thing is to get back on track. Reflecting on what went wrong and trying to draw conclusions for the future will help you avoid making the same mistakes.

Conclusion

Self-control is the key to a life of success, harmony, and satisfaction. Although developing it can be a challenge, it is possible for anyone willing to put in the time and effort. It is worth remembering that every step toward greater self-control is an investment in a better tomorrow. Start small today and you may be surprised by the results.

Books that I recommend:

• “The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control” – Walter Mischel
• “Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones" - James Clear
• “The Science of Self Control” – Howard Rachlin